DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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