we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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