I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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