I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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