...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
