If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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