she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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