Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
