Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
