im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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