This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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