i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
