Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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