I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
tell me about the fingering
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