I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
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