I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
this hospital has no fireball
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Randomize
