i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You took a bar mat shot.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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