Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
