I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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