Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
