You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
