I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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