So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
