the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize