Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
