no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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