Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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