Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Randomize
