dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
