Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
