I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
