I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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