i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Randomize
