so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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