I wish I could teleport
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
