Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
