I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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