u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
