I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
