yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
