She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
