All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm sobbing to NWA
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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