I'm jealous of your bromance
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
