Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
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