at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
