please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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