I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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