I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize