I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
