hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
