Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
