you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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