i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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