I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
