I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
