he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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