peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
