i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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