I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
It's blow job season.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
