his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
