I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
