you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
