I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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