she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
