im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
