he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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