Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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