My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
