dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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