she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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