i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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