my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
