I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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