Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
