I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
