i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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