Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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