I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
We left the knife in your bed.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
