While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
