party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
