Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
farters have to be the big spoon...
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
