You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
