I cannot find my penis.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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