hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
