Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
