dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
