We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize