This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize