Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
