Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
organizing the empties. That sober.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
