May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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