Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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