So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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