let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
my shit smells like andre
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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