why im i the only drunk person in the library?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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