Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
