We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
