Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
