I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
