ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
they call him Oral-B. enough said
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize