Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Randomize
