His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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