he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize