I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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