Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize